Note: if you already know who Dave Carnie is, scroll past the “preface” and go directly to the interview below. Note: if you’re sensitive to strong language, political and religious topics, then you may find some of the topics objectionable. Or maybe not.

Preface: Big Brother Magazine was exactly what skateboarding needed while it existed. Most of us grew up with Thrasher on one hand (punk as hell, down for life), while on the other hand we had Transworld Skateboarding… a magazine most known for its incredible photography, and at times representing skateboarding as something elite. There were plenty of magazines that came and went, but none left the mark that Big Brother did.
A quick summary of Big Bro’s history: it was kicked off by Steve Rocco (who was known in the skate industry as a shit-starter before becoming skateboarding’s version of Donlad Trump), the magazine reflected his penchant for mischief and smack talk… nudity, name dropping, and industry criticism were the norm. The magazine was eventually purchased by Larry Flynt (of Hustler fame) who besides being known as one of the worlds most successful pornographers, was also known as a champion of free speech. Oddly enough, soon after Flynt’s company purchased Big Brother, nudity was all but eradicated from the magazine… however, the smack talk and mischief remained.
Big Brother was especially great at three things:
1. Making people laugh. Poop jokes, documenting parties in which everyone in attendance was forced to wear adult diapers, running around cities in bright gold spandex bodysuits… the list goes on. The absurdity that took place in and around the offices of Big Brother would eventually lead on to the formation of the Jackass brand of humor… Johnny Knoxville, Party Boy, Preston Acuff and many others in the crew owe their “big breaks” to Big Brother. Hell, a large portion of the first season of Jackass’ TV show was based directly off of Big Brother stunts (featured in print and Big Bro videos).
2. Informing skaters with information they really needed to know. Because of Big Brother, the skate community as a whole was educated on the dark side of pre-fabricated skateparks, legislation that cities and states can use to help break free from liability issues at public skateparks (legislation that we took advantage of here in Louisiana), and countless other items that truly benefitted skateboarders and skateboarding as a whole.
3. Not being scared to say things the way adults might say them to other adults. Big Brother didn’t shy away from commenting on industry, political, or corporate issues, and when it did, it spoke like an adult… there was no “beating around the bush.” Big Brother didn’t treat its readers as idiots… sometimes that meant that articles were over the heads of a portion of the readers, but they could still enjoy the humorous way in which the serious topics were presented.
There’s no way I can truly relay Big Brother’s unique perspective and importance to skateboarding if you were never familiar with it in the first place. The interview below will be better recieved by people who know enough about the magazine (and Dave Carnie) to the extent that everything I wrote above is a rewording of things they already knew.
Finally, I’ll address some of the reasons why Dave is the subject of this interview. To start off with, I’m a fan of his writing. He was the last (and third) person to hold the title of editor-in-chief of the magazine (he followed Earl Parker and Sean Cliver), and was nice enough to publish two very small, humorous pieces that I submitted to the mag several years ago. Over the years that followed, I was one of his many pen pals, which brings me to another reason that he’s the subject of this interview… he’s not only accessible, but approachable. After an email or two with Dave (or even by reading his columns), you get the impression that you could easily saddle up next to him at a bar and talk about anything. He’s good people. You can currently read Dave’s thoughts in The Skateboard Mag and soon you’ll be able to pick up print versions of his new creation The Future Magazine. With that, I’ll introduce you to some of the names you’ll see in the interview so you can put faces to the names:

Larry Flynt (gold wheelchair), Dave Carnie (gold crutches)

Sean Cliver (Big Bro’s second editor), Earl Parker (BB’s first editor)

Rick Kosick (Big Brother’s lead photo editor, now of Jackass fame)

The Interview:
During your years at Big Brother, you and the magazine helped to launch the careers of Johnny Knoxville, Steve O, and nearly the entire Jack Ass crew. As one of the people in charge of content in Big Brother and The Skateboard Mag, you’ve also assisted in bringing fame to hundreds of professional and amateur skateboarders. Taking note of the fact that you’ve played a part in the fame of so many people, why isn’t Gary a mainstream celebrity animal now? Is he afraid of being considered the Andy Mac of the feline community?

gary’s a dick. i love him, but he’s a dick. and what do you mean why isn’t gary a celebrity? you’re in fucking louisiana and you know who my cat is. when i went to south africa a couple years ago i met this skater and the first thing he said while shaking my hand was, “how’s gary?” seriously how many famous cats are there? garfield and heathcliff are fakes. and i think that leaves morris? i can’t think of any other live cat that i know the name of. i would argue that gary might be the second most famous cat in the world. although you did say “mainstream” and while gary would pull in a lot of “votes,” all those votes would come almost entirely from the skateboard community.

our new wiener dog, however, is the one who is going to be famous. unlike his namesake, the writer samuel beckett, he loves people and craves attention. beckett is only six months old, but he’s already gained a pretty weird personality. i got him for tania. no, it wasn’t a break up puppy. i’ve been meaning to get her a dachshund for some time. she’s had two. but we’ve been worried about gary. so we finally said fuck it and got beckett. gary hates him. still. gary has earned the nickname “GRANDPA SWITCHBLADES.” poor beckett just wants to play with gary, but grandpa aint having it. he fucks that dog up at least once a day. WAP! WAP! WAP! and stupid ass beckett keeps going back for more. i swear to god i think he likes it. “oh gary, please, can we play that game where you hit me in the face with your paws. i quite enjoy it, yes, please.” beckett, by the way, has a voice. i talk for him all the time. it’s kind of difficult to describe, but he’s very polite. he says “please” all the time. although it kind of sounds like “plays.” i’ve even begun sketching out a play of sorts called “david. please.” naturally it kind of has a waiting for godot feel to it. right now there’s just a bunch of random chunks. here’s the beginning. a sample. my, you got a long answer today. don’t start expecting this.

Opening: Beckett and David walk to center stage. Tania and Sharan are sitting off to the side at a small table drinking, smoking and observing.

DAVID: Hello Beckett.
BECKETT: Hello David.
(Pause. Beckett observes David who after a few moments pours dog food into a bowl.)
BECKETT: David, are you making me a pork chop?
DAVID: No Beckett, I’m not making you a pork chop. (placing bowl of dog food on the ground in front of Beckett.) There you go, that should hold you while we do this.
BECKETT: David. There’s dog food in my bowl.
DAVID: I know.
BECKETT: David. Please. There must be some sort of mistake. I ordered a pork chop.
DAVID: Beckett you’ve never even had a pork chop.
BECKETT: David, please, we have known each other my whole life.
DAVID: I know Beckett.
SHARAN: His whole life?
TANIA: Beckett’s whole life. The goddamn dog is only five months old.
SHARAN: Oh.
BECKETT: David, I know you long for my luscious lips.
DAVID: No, not really Beckett. You have gross dog lips. I do not long for them.
BECKETT: David! Please!
DAVID: You do. Your lips are black and they are gross.
BECKETT: And I suppose, David, that you’re going to tell me that Tania’s lips are more luscious than mine?
DAVID: Her lips don’t have tentacles.
BECKETT: David! Please! That woman has only known us for five short months and in that short period of time she has done nothing but try to destroy the relationship we have forged. As they say, David, “When compatibility meets unbridled passion…”
DAVID: Beckett, please, you know Tania and I have been together for a long time.
BECKETT: Give me a kiss David.
DAVID: I love you Beckett, but no kisses.
BECKETT: David. Please.
DAVID: Beckett.
BECKETT: David.
DAVID: Alright. One. As long as you keep that weird ass octopus thing in your mouth.
SHARAN: Does Beckett always shove his tongue way up David’s nose like that?
TANIA: Yeah.
SHARAN: Jesus. How far up does that thing go?
TANIA: I seriously think he licks his brain. Or what’s left of it.

2. You’ve written a number of anti-Nike editorials, with sentiments that resemble Consolidated Skateboard’s campaigns against mega-corporations trying to profit off of the skateboard industry. With the most “socially conscious” companies like I-Path being made in Korea, and huge companies like Nike employing skateboarders (paying them to design shoes and offering them sponsorships), it seems that it’s hard (if not impossible) for a skateboarder to buy footwear from a real skateboarding / grassroots shoe company, ensuring that the money spent is truly an investment back into the pockets of people that support skating. For some of us, it seems like we can either support a huge company that supports skaters, or we can support a skater owned company that supports skaters, but also thrives off of material and labor provided by countries with questionable human right’s standards.
My question: In your personal opinion (and as a skater that looks at the larger impact of where your money goes) what’s the deciding factor on what brands you support? I’m limiting the question to shoes because it seems to be easier to pin down not only the owners of board companies (skater vs non-skater), but the location that those companies choose to manufacture their products (American vs Chinese wood, etc).

this is a subject i frankly don’t really give a shit about. actually, i do give a shit, it’s just kind of a waste of time to talk about.

to answer the question, like most people i wear what i think are the best shoes. although i used to wear nothing but vans and vans sucked through the late 90s. but all my friends rode for vans, i like the vans history and most importantly i was close friends with the team manager. so, uh, the deciding factor was FREE! which is still my deciding factor. i kind of had a falling out with vans when that team mgr left and i switched over to emerica. i’ve been wearing black reynolds for years now. they treat me better than vans. vans is slightly retarded due to the corporate infrastructure. they’re a big company and thus they move slow. i also wear lakais because i’m good friends with those guys.

as for the larger question you seem to be asking, that’s a battle i’ve chosen not to fight. i’m not a fan of nike or any other huge mega corporation, but nike has, after a few tries, succeeded in making good skate shoes. i’ve never worn them, but people say they’re great. and i’m friends with the team they’ve put together up there and they’re all good guys, you know? i’m not anti nike skate shoes, but i won’t wear them. it’s just not worth fighting it anymore. they’re actually helping skateboarding, they’re giving back this time, they’re SB division acts like a skate company, and this new generation of skaters loves nike, so why waste time hating on them. it’s kind of like hating on mcdonalds. yeah, it’s bad for you, they suck, blah blah blah, but do you know how fucking big that company is? what the fuck are you going to do? you’re not going to stop people from eating there. fast food nation may have persuaded a handful of people to stop eating there, supersize me probably persuaded an even smaller handful of people to not eat there, but really what the fuck is that going to do to mcdonald’s overall profits? nothing, and thus they’re not going to change. and i’m not going to waste my time crying about it. i just don’t eat there…very often…about once every couple months i get the urge for a sausage and egg mcmuffin.

and that’s the thing, in this day in age it’s increasingly more difficult “to do the right thing.” really i’d have to grow my own food and brew my own beer and ferment my own wine if i wanted to avoid giving my money to those big bad mega corporations. even if you support your local mom and pop restaurants, or stores or whatever, they’re still being supplied by someone bigger. like the burger probably comes from some fucking con agra subsidiary anyway. ketchup? jesus.

uh i’m wandering. there’s a certain someone in skateboarding who is super anti nike. like i said, i don’t like nike either, but i don’t really have any reason to go berserker on them. and this certain someone is going berserker. and he doesn’t even make shoes. and he’s also accepted a lot of money from another huge corporation, vans, in the past. and i believe his boards are made in china? so, it’s a little hypocritical. i mean if it’s skateboarding you love, you shouldn’t go into the skateboard business. but if you’re in the skateboard business you gotta realize, “it’s just business” sometimes. and it just gets crazy when you learn that he’s kicking people off his team because they happen to also ride for nike. he fired his graphic artist because nike was giving him work and paying him more than he was getting “at home.” it’s just sad because nike is hooking these dudes up. if so and so was paying them the same amount and taking care of these dudes the way nike is, he might have a point, but as it is he looks like a dude sawing his own dick off. which is a very peculiar image. instead of just turning the other way, and enjoying the residual benefits of having a bunch of his riders getting really good nike coverage and good nike money and going on nike trips, he’s having a temper tantrum and looking quite foolish in the eyes of the people i tend to hang around with. it’s sad because i’m friends with him and i empathize with the emotional side of the argument (“it’s our scene!), but i really want to say, “grow up.”

this is a huge subject and it’s one that bothers me a lot because you can’t avoid it and you can’t fight it. i don’t begrudge anyone for trying. i did. but it gets you nowhere. so i say do what you want, wear and ride what you like. i’m not going to tell anybody what to do. i live by example. and one example i like to set is that i don’t beat small asian children because they don’t make my shoes fast enough. i pay someone else to do that for me. –dave

3. Over the years, you’ve interviewed or met most (if not all) of the legendary Bones Brigade members. Did you ever, y’know… gay off with any of them?

i think i’ve only asked that question to tony…but i ask him it almost every time i talk to him. last time was probably his best response. he said, “lord knows i tried, but there were no takers.”

i also asked mcgill. he’s really the one you have to ask, right? him and some of the B team like ray underhill and chris borst. i’ve never interviewed lance. i don’t think i’ve asked cab. both those guys are all grown up now. christianity and maturity tend to eclipse one’s sense of humor. in some areas, at least. so what’s that, two out of four? oh wait, i asked tommy guerrero. his answer was something like tony’s, like, “i wish.” tommy’s good.

but the question was, have i ever gayed off with any of the bones brigade? no, i haven’t. and it’s not because i haven’t been offered, it’s just because i don’t want to do it with just one of them. i want all of them. at the same time. like that scene in future primitive or whatever where they’re all lying around on their hotel bed doing f/s airs on their backs and gaying off. a bones brigade orgy. “you have to push, with your arm.”

4. Unless I’m reading the wrong magazines, it seems like Rick Kosick has moved his professional focus from skate photography to spend time documenting (and taking part in) the activities of the Jackass crew. Is Rick’s absence temporary, or is he going on to be the next Spike Jonze?

rick’s been done with skateboarding for a long time. that’s why we fired him. for the last year he worked for bb, he didn’t give a shit about the magazine. he fancies himself a director. like all of us, rick will always be a skateboarder at heart, but there just comes a time when you’re in your late thirties and you’re working with kids that are half your age, it just gets a little tedious. but then again i’m not sure how jackass is a step up on the maturity ladder? rick is a mysterious man. –dave

5. The subjects you write about (outside of skateboarding) range from topical political statements, to academic and obscure literary references, to essays about poop and hangovers. My question: is your daily consumption of media (news, mags, books, TV, etc) as varied as your writing style?

No, i pretty much don’t read anything anymore and the only thing i watch is Emeril Live on the Food Network.

6. As someone closely affiliated with a skate shop, as well as someone who grew up as a “target” because he skated (targeted by a negative stigma, cops, jocks, etc), I see a lot of benefits to the mainstreaming of skateboarding… an explosion in the number of skateparks, a large number of skateboarders making money off of skateboarding (via the businesses they own in the industry and retail as well as comparatively large professional ranks), and a general understanding among a larger swath of regular people who see skateboarders as a athletes (versus seeing us strictly as vandals). In your personal opinion, what are the downsides of skateboarding being “digestible” by the mainstream and general public?

cubbyholing. apparently that’s not a word. or i’m spelling it wrong. that’s what my computer is telling me. i’ve always said that the only definition of skateboarding is the ostensive definition. you point at it: that’s it. define for me the color red? you can’t. the only way you can describe red to me is to point at something that is red. you then come to an understanding of red, but you’re still unable to explain it to someone. you can try? i guess? but it’s the same thing with skateboarding: what is skateboarding? any “real” skateboarder will find him or herself in the same quandary the person trying to describe the color red finds themselves in. “uh skateboarding is…uhhhh…”

pose the question, “what is art?” ah you’re fucked, right? you should be anyway. i’m in nyc and i just saw the dada exhibit at the moma and i’m a big fan…big fan? whatever…i love duchamp. or what he’s about. and i finally saw “r. mutt”’s urinal in person. apparently it wasn’t THE urinal. it was the fifth one. sloppy, fifths, i guess. and i didn’t need to see it. it looks the same in pictures. it’s the concept that matters. what is art? can’t a fucking toilet be art? apparently it can. because it is. IT IS.

am i going too fast?

skateboarding is much like art. it is art. let’s just be gay and throw it all out there. skateboarding is art. and like art, it has no boundaries…this is getting so cliche, believe me, i know…but the problem with skateboarding going mainstream is that it has the tendency to be categorized as a sport, and not an art. and thus it will end up much like figure skating. which i think started out as dancing, on ice, granted, but it was an art, and somehow it turned into this weird SPORT. and it’s just retarded. because there’s very little artistry left in it. it has definitions, rules and boundaries. it has become an EVENT that has COMPENSATORY challenges.

there, that’s my answer: i worry that skateboarding will become congruent with figure skating. no one tells a skateboarder how to dance. i dance to my own rhythm baby.

7. What’s the story behind Future Magazine?
the story behind the future is the past. that fucker is behind everything. basically we know what you did next summer because your tomorrow is our last week. thus, you do what we say you did and you are what we say you were.

i got a million of those.

we’ve been working on it for over two years now. pretty much right after big brother died, and we realized it was really impractical to try and resurrect big brother, we came up with the idea of making another magazine. basically big brother without the skateboarding. but none of us want to make a zine, so we decided we should attach this tv component to it. a reality show about the making of the magazine. which is pretty much what big brother was: it was kind of a magazine about itself. the staff was as important as the people we were interviewing and the subjects we were covering. the future is similarly transparent, but just on a larger scale.

and when i say “working on it,” i mean working on the business of making a magazine. there’s a little bit of editorial that’s been created over the last couple years, but not much. some of which is on our crappy website, www.thefuturemagazine.com. (keep in mind that the website is more of a place holder than anything. although tania’s blog is pretty interesting on a daily basis. she’s got quite a following.)

unfortunately we kind of went about making the mag in the wrong way and focused more on the tv side of things and got mixed up with mtv. which is kind of like getting mixed up with drugs. we just threw away a year and a half of our lives because of those fuckers. just say no to mtv. but it was our fault too. it was this weird cart before the horse problem: mtv wouldn’t commit to a show until we had a magazine up and running, but investors wouldn’t put up any money for a magazine until mtv committed to doing the show. it’s a long, complicated and sordid tale, but we pretty much spent the last year and a half doing that dance.

earlier this year we severed ties with mtv and went back to the drawing board. we need to start the magazine first! genius. since we changed gears, things have been falling into place. slowly, but much faster than when we started with mtv. and there still is a tv component to this whole thing, we’ve partnered with greg johnston (producer of the osbournes, among other things) and we’re thinking of taking this to hbo since that’s who he’s working with these days. which is an infinitely better home and audience for what we want to do. but in the meantime, we want to get the mag up and running and get a couple issues under our feet. i’m hoping to have at least one issue out by the end of the year.

it’s way more work than even i thought getting a magazine running from the ground up. i may have run a magazine before, but i had a huge publishing empire behind me. i just made the funny and they took care of all this other shit. but it’ll all be worth it in the end because i don’t know if you’ve noticed, the newsstands are in desperate need of something interesting to look at. just garbage.

then again, that’s kind of what we’re making: garbage.

the future patiently awaits your arrival.

8. In earlier days of print magazines, covers were literally works of art… perfectly composed photos or paintings by famous artists were staples of many titles. These days, it seems like (non skate) magazine covers consist of nothing more than a close-up head shot of whoever is featured inside… only a few magzines (The New Yorker, Time, Wired among others) approach the cover as art. I bring this up because in Big Bro, you paid special attention to cover art in not only your “Red Herrings,” but also in a number of articles that described the story behind some of your more elaborate and striking cover images. My question: Will the covers of future magazine be exactly what you want them to be, or will you have to be under some sort of constraint (external or self imposed)?

sounds like you read the same article i read a couple years ago. it basically said the same thing: publishers used to take pride in their covers and go for a different look, it was an art, but, yeah, now it’s kind of a cookie cutter formula, huh? you can’t really tell the difference between many of them. which is sad because we’ve always found the cover to be probably the most fun aspect of a magazine to fuck with. i don’t know why more people don’t look at it that way, especially when you consider that’s the first thing anyone sees in regards to your magazine. why wouldn’t you want it to stand out? oh, because of “brand recognition.” the public needs to be able to recognize your product, and if you’re out there changing it each month, how they gonna know which one is yours? that’s what lfp did to us. on the one hand it does make sense, but that was one decision that lfp made that we ultimately did not agree with.

as for the future, there aint nobody telling us what to do. we can do whatever the fuck we want. what we want, however, is still a big question. we haven’t decided…in fact there’s been a lot of argument on the subject…what direction we want to take with the cover. which is probably a good thing. i think we’re all in agreement that the no direction cover, like early bb, is the right direction. we can do a maxim big booty bitch cover one month, then do a new yorker illustration the next. should be fun. i miss that stuff.

Halfway there… before going on I really want to thank you for taking your time out for this, Dave. I owe you lots and lots of beer.

10: How is Earl Parker these days?

i don’t drink much beer these days. mostly wine. white wine. and i just learned last night in an article on beckett in the new yorker (check it out) that beckett was a huge white wine drinker because james joyce was. tania couldn’t believe i didn’t know that and thought that the reason i drank so much white wine was because i, like beckett, wanted to be like THE MASTER. apparently joyce drank so much of it that nora had to hide the bottles. tania hasn’t had to hide the bottles yet, this has been going on for a few years now, but it’s gotten close on occasion. that shit goes down like water. we buy a case about a every four days. we’ve had to stagger our visits between two trader joes because we don’t want to look like complete wastoids. “what’s the occasion?” they always ask when we get the register with a cart full of wine and nothing else. the clerks ask that question so often that we can’t help but feel ashamed of ourselves. what’s the occasion? uh, getting drunk, that’s the occasion. do you need an occasion to drink a case of wine? fuck i think i drink because there aren’t enough “occasions.” we occasionally make stuff up, but it isn’t as fun as we thought it would be and usually takes way more work than it’s worth. “oh our friend is having an art show.” “really! i’m an artist too!” oh fuck off. so now i just say, “it’s for the drive home.” we both chuckle, huh huh, funny joke, and then there’s no more talking. which is how i like it.

i’m sure earl is still struggling along. i haven’t heard from him in a couple months. before the future went into pause mode a couple months ago he was regularly sending me stories. a couple of them were alright. i think he’s dealing with his mental illness, medicating, etc., and i know he’s got a bum knee as well. i think he divides his time between tremaine’s house and a flophouse hotel in downtown hollywood. i love earl, but i can only handle him in small doses. –dave

11. Have you been able to skate much?

didn’t i just explain we drink a couple cases of wine a week?

12. What skateboarder(s) completely demolished a preconceived notion you may have had of them (for better or for worse)?

i remember tyler, our former bb art director, saying, “please do not forward me any more emails from caballero. you’re ruining the image i have of him in my head.”

caballero.

i grew up in san jose so i used to see him all the time. he’d usually skate our ramp at least once a week. and i still consider him a friend, and one of my favorite skaters ever, but i used to think he was so punk. nope. cab is a nerd. and kind of a goody goody. i don’t think drinking and drugs are a prerequisite for being a skateboarder, not at all, but the crews i run with it’s kind of the norm. cab doesn’t drink or do drugs. which is fine. but he is so on the other side of the spectrum it was a little shocking at first. for one, he collects toys and belongs to a pt cruiser car club. which is probably the gayest thing i can think of. i hate pt cruisers. “they’re new! but kind of old looking!” plus they’re a good example of the goddamn auto industry’s sneaky asshole ways. did you know the pt cruiser is technically a “truck?” yeah apparently chrysler somehow finagled it so that the pt is in the “truck class,” which means it doesn’t have to meet the emission requirements, among other things, of a car. which are lower than the truck class, obviously. i understand it’s all because of some “shelf” in the back of the car that is somehow considered a “bed.” anyway, caballero is just an odd little fellow. he’s also really gotten into motorcross the last few years. that’s what emails tyler was referring to. cab would send out these mass email weekly updates on his motorcycle racing adventures that were just too embarrassing to read. lots of smiley faces, which i hate almost as much as exclamation points!

but cab is rad. i love him. just don’t read his emails.

i was just talking to chris miller the other day and he said him and sal masekela had been talking about me. this is kind of a switch stance demolished, i guess. sal masekela is way cooler than that “fraggle” you see on the xgames. we’re “friends” if you can believe that. this all came about when i interviewed him years ago. i drilled him. i threw everything i had at him, and he took it. he basically said, that’s who i am. he loves skateboarding and “action sports.” he doesn’t even claim to be a skater. he just loves it. and he says his excitement on tv is real. and i mean, how can you argue with that? i congratulated him on his performance and to this day i have a lot of respect for the dude. that doesn’t mean i agree with his xgames style, however.

but that’s the great thing about skateboarding and life in general. people are different. i could probably go on forever listing skaters that were completely different than my preconceived notion of them. i think every skater i’ve met has been a surprise in some way.

oh and i think there’s one skater who universally demolished everybody’s preconceived notion of him. do you know who i’m thinking of? (correct answer wins…uh…i don’t know…you’re a shop right? give something away.) –dave

I have to admit that I too own a PT Cruiser… but to my credit, I use it to haul booze and cigarettes around with me.
As far as one skater who universally demolished everybody’s preconceived notion of him… I think I know who you’re talking about, but I’m not sure how much of what think I know is fact vs. internet speculation (I miss the official skate-news leaks every once in a while so I’m not sure).

Question 13:
Here in Hammond we’ve seen a surge in religious groups (large and small scale organizations) attempt to market themselves to the skaters in our area (our public skatepark and the internet being a couple of the main venues for these people to peddle their faith). On a larger scale, there seems to be an increase in evangelicals/fundamentalists piggybacking skateboarding to sell their wares (even B-movie star Steven Baldwin is in on the act… Pat Robertson’s 700 Club refers to him as an “Extreme Sports Evangelist” Example Here).

Is this religious marketing just a nuisance, or is there a more serious, perhaps sinister aspect to it?

i can tell you right now you’re wrong because there’s no speculation in regards to the dude i’m talking about.

i think the word nuisance is understating the problem. i live in california, so we don’t really have that problem here. as pontius says (and it should be our state motto), “KEEP GOD OUT OF CALIFORNIA!”

you’re not going to get much of a response out of me because i fucking HATE christians. i have nothing against the religion, i’m just talking about the people you’re talking about. the evangelists. the ones who wear it on their foreheads. they’re fucking demented. nothing makes me more mad than a fucking christian. i’d consider this a little extreme, but it’s still an example of what christianity does to people’s heads: www.godhatesfags.com.

the home of the westboro church. these are the people that protest military funerals. they cheer for dead soldiers. apparently god is killing our troops in iraq with IMDs because our country is too tolerant of homosexuals…yeah, that makes a lot of sense…and i guess that means god is a terrorist? and their reasoning is just awesome. it goes something like this: apparently there’s a passage in the bible where god burns some sticks because he’s mad, or some shit. another word for sticks is “faggot.” therefore faggots make god mad.

i love that shit. there’s a word for absurd logic like that and i’ve been trying to find it for years. maybe not? i just did a quick google search and came up with nothing. which is what happens when you die. nothing. fuck god.

14. What are some things you’re stoked on right now?

that’s a good question because i’ve recently decided to make an effort to be more positive. it’s a terrible question for a conventional interview, but here where i have time to sit back and think about it, it works out pretty good. this, however, is probably the gayest response i’ll ever give because i’m actually answering it.

tania. love of my life. we basically spend 24 hours a day together, so i can’t not be stoked on her.

beckett. he’s ridiculous. i’ve never had a dog before and since he’s actually smaller than gary, it’s a perfect introduction to the canine world. i am not stoked on his begging or shitting. he shits everywhere.

gary. i will always be stoked on gary, though.

white wine. i’ve been drinking a lot of italian whites lately. they’re cheap at tjs and they go down easy with a couple of ice cubes in a glass. i can’t wait for wine time every day.

croquet. we play so much fucking croquet. although we haven’t had a master’s tournament in a couple weeks. without getting into the details of our little “gang,” here’s a photo of our quiver. axe handles and hockey sticks:

but you’re probably more interested in things that are accessible to others no? because i could go on listing shit like, “sunny days,” “our jacuzzi,” and all kinds of faggot shit for miles. “cooking.”

melvins new album. it’s not out yet, but we bbq’d for them at the studio and got a pre-master listen. might be one of their best.

the random literature that spammers put in their emails to get around spam blockers. i’m so into that shit. apparently they use something that has to do with the “markov chain?” haven’t had a chance to study that, but i love the way they read: “The stronger reason why it should be sold, replied Athos. I have heard here andthere that this sister-in-law was a hussy. Yes, Athos, I know what you mean: we shall do very well at the Parpaillot.”

django reinhardt music.

new slayer, new ministry. as tania remarked, it’s absolutely shocking that i like these two new albums…considering they’re a couple of my favorite bands. i don’t think either are “great,” but they both fulfill their respective obligations to their fans.

matthew barney. i’m a fan of the cremaster series and drawing restraint 9 is good. he deserves careful and in depth study.

donald barthelme. literature. i recently finished just about everything he’s published. he’s often compared to beckett. which might be why i like him so much. i recommend either of his collections of short stories “40 stories” or “60 stories.”

Hanging pots and pans from my penis.

oh there’s a new cartoon on adult swim called DETHKLOK METALOCALYPSE. sunday nights. the first episode aired last sunday. so good. it’s about a norwegian black metal band that is completely retarded.

15. As a skater growing up in a rural town (gravel roads and everything), my sessions took place wherever they could be carved out… rough parking lots, pothole-filled basketball courts, and other spots that were crap by most people’s standards. Not that I complained… it was all I knew so I had fun with it.

A couple of decades later, I live in a pretty skate-friendly city, less than a quarter of a mile away from a big Dreamland skatepark that’s packed with kids, and I’m getting ready for the opening of another park just a few miles away. Hell, when old dudes in suits find out that I’m a skateboarder, the first thing they say is that they “remember when Tony Hawk landed the 900.”

I like the fact that it’s easier for today’s kids to skate and be accepted as skaters, but I sometimes wonder if there are negative ramifications of the removal of the “hard knocks” aspect of skating that so many of us dealt with. Am I on point with this observation, or am I just becoming a clueless old man that’s convinced that the young’uns have it better?

skateboarding has changed. but it’s always been changing and will continue to change. i think the culture we grew up skating within did make us a little tougher, or at least more industrious, because there were way more obstacles between us and skateboarding. then again, it’s still not easy. while the perspective of skateboarding has changed a lot in a lot of places, there are still a lot of places out there where kids are experiencing the same negative feedback we got when we started skating back in the late 70s early 80s. the most absurd examples of which are occurring right here in california IN SKATEBOARD PARKS THAT WERE BUILT FOR SKATEBOARDING. it’s insane.

i don’t think skateboarding is any easier. the act. most kids still experience obstacles and you have to admit the skill level of skateboarding is way higher now than it was when i started skating. at the same time, it’s much easier to get good skateboard equipment and no one is far from one of the thousands of skateparks that have popped up around the country. which i think is cool. skateboarding should progress and one thing that’s fueling that is good skateboard terrain. the streets are always going to be the streets and they’ll always be there, but these parks are amazing and they’re helping skateboarding grow. i’ll never trade in my memories of skating janky backyard ramps with nails sticking out all over the place, but i have to wonder what would it have been like if i didn’t have to worry about where we were going to get the money to relayer our ramp every spring because the rains ruined the masonite over the winter? but yeah, maybe that just made us tougher and i learned a lot of carpentry skills in the process that i still use today. then again, i can’t skate worth shit.

the one thing i dislike about what you’re getting at is that skateboarding will eventually be perceived as a sport and not an art. while there are surf contests, i think the general public kind of regards surfing as this vagabond culture of beach bums. it’s a lifestyle. and there’s an art to that lifestyle. perhaps because of surf movies in the 60s and 70s? skateboarding, on the other hand, is regarded less and less as a lifestyle…actually it never really was, it’s always been kind of a nuisance. and maybe because over the years the skaters that have tried to fight that and get parks built have had to use the language of sport to access the schemas of the “suits” who hold the keys to the cities. as you alluded to, a lot of people’s only exposure to skateboarding comes from the xgames and we all know that doesn’t even come close to accurately representing skateboarding. can you or i do anything about it? i don’t know. but just keep holding onto that dream old man.

16. On a few of the skate forums I frequent, the topic of photo manipulation in skate magazines comes up a lot… by photo manipulation, I don’t mean the simple adjustments of hues, saturations and brightness of images, but Photoshopping to such an extent that the skateboarder in the image is moved into a different location respective to the object he’s skating on (for aesthetic purposes). Is this a common practice, and if so, is it ethical?

i can really only speak from my own experience here and i’d say it happens every once in awhile. mainly with covers because you want the cover to look the best it possibly can. frankly it’s a lot of work and it’s not something you want to spend your time laboring over. but there’s times when the skater hasn’t been centered or he doesn’t fit over the title quite right and so you move him. as long as it doesn’t effect the trick, and it’s purely aesthetic, i don’t think it’s a big deal at all.

there was one time we got totally busted doing it. we called it the mysterious floating wheel cover. it was a photo of markovich doing a f/s ollie, but he was kind of off to the side, so tremaine cut him out and moved him to the left. no higher, no lower, just moved him over. except he forgot one wheel which remained in its original place just kind of hovering in the bushes behind him. that shit’s funny.

i also know a certain company owner who’s company name is the answer to the equation 666-666 who likes all kinds of weird photoshop in his photos. i only know of one incident, but i assume he does it all the time. like he has his little hankies and shit photoshopped into his hands and back pockets and shit. there’s nothing unethical about that kind of peacock behavior, but it’s a little gay.

17. If you weren’t a writer, what other full time occupation could you see yourself in?

fuck i’m not a fan of this question. i’m not a fan of “top ten favorite” questions either. but i’ve never been asked this one before. so, really? probably a photographer seeing as that was what i was gearing up to be before i ended up being a writer. i started out shooting photos for bb. issue 2 was the first issue i had my first photo in. i didn’t even write anything until something like issue 13.

before photography, i thought i was going to be an architect.

i can’t see myself being a bartender, but i could see myself being a vintner. or perhaps just a man of leisure? perhaps i could tune pianos or be an auto wrecker? being a politician looks fun, although i’m not very good at lying. i’d be really good at the “abuse of power” and “lavish lifestyle” part though. when i was a kid i thought i was going to be a pro hockey player. i even took french because i thought it might help me if i happened to get drafted by one of those blasted french canadian teams. i’m glad i was smart enough to abandon that dream. i’m not ugly enough. have you seen hockey players? god they’re the ugliest men on the planet. i’m continually surprised, which annoys tania to no end. i’ll be like, “oh my god! look at that one! how could the creator suffer such a blasphemy upon his earth?” and she’ll be like, “and he’s different than other hockey players in what way?” i’m assuming they’re all born, you know, with a hint of ugly, but then whatever handsomeness was there gets chiseled off by all the pucks and sticks to the face. i don’t got much and i know that one stick to the face and i’m a goner. i’m glad i got out before that happened. i’d like to move out to the woods and not have any full time occupation, but i’m too much of a city boy. my friend went on a date with some chick once and after he told her he was a sea kayak instructor she said, “yeah, nature is cool and all, i just hate being in it.” i’m good at camping and i really enjoy it, but after a few days i long to be back home. showers, electricity, i really like that shit.

18. I know that you’re politically aware, but are you a political junkie? I mean, with the current state of the country (including the Governorship of your state), and knowing some of your political views, do you follow political news actively, or do you turn the TV off out of frustration?

yeah i wouldn’t say i’m a junkie. i’m aware of what’s going on and i follow it, and at times i get mad, but for the most part i guess i’m just kind of following what’s going on. i vote and i sign those goddamn internet petitions at moveon.org (which don’t do shit), but beyond that i just try and take it as it goes. i don’t have the time, nor do i feel it does any good to go marching around with signs and shit. again, i’m of the opinion that the individual can’t affect much change. although i’ll admit i’ve been in a position to affect change and i think i used the opportunity responsibly. but you know “the system” needs MAJOR changes and that’s not going to happen short of a war or a revolution.

as far as tv, i guess it would be frustrating if you believed that shit, and i don’t. i pretty much just watch hockey and cooking shows on tv. cooking shows are the ultimate in banality. you know exactly what’s going to happen: they’re going to boil some water, they’re going to chop some shit up, they’re going to cook it and at the end it’s going to taste awesome. never changes. i love it. hockey is kind of the opposite for me. i punch walls and shit. i cook bacon and put it in front of the tv hoping it will inspire my team. i change clothes in the middle of a game. there’s been times when i have to turn the channel just to calm down.

19. There are some obvious examples where you educated the reader about the dangers and horrors of pre-fabricated skateparks, exposed the USA Rollersports organization as the corporate leeches they are, and informed us of the legislative theory that skaters can use to help close the liability issues that many cities and states have when it concerns skateboarding liability lawsuits (making skateboarders liable for their own injuries, thus making it easier for cities to open up skateparks without the fear of injury-related litigation {Louisiana has benefited from similar legislation}). There’s no doubt that you’ve taken skateboarding seriously enough to help equip skaters with knowledge they need to push the activity, but you’ve also been able to make sure that amid that seriousness, you kept the topic of skateboarding fun (versus being melodramatic, preachy or jockish about it).

In your last answer, you mentioned that you felt that you used your position to affect change responsibly, and though that was relative to political concerns, what responsibilities did you feel you had as a writer/editor in the skateboard media? Along with that, what were your goals as a writer for a skate mag?

the answer to both questions is “to entertain.” and that can be accomplished in a variety of ways: a serious article on politics, or about a rollerskating group that’s trying to take skateboarding to the olympics, or an article about helmet laws can entertain the reader by being thought provoking and calling attention to a subject that directly affects them that they may not have known about. it’s interesting. but really when i think of “the magazine,” as a genre, i think people pick them up to be entertained in a short period of time. when you pick up a thomas pynchon book, you need a dictionary, you need to a know a lot of background and you have to be engaged and commit a significant amount of your life to reading it. magazines are the exact opposite. people pick em up to give them something to do on a plane or in a doctor’s office. it’s something that occupies them for a very short period of time, and then they throw it out. i’ve always called it, “the literary sandcastle.” i always try to build the best sandcastle i can, but i always know it’s going to be washed away and forgotten about forever. which is something i kind of like about it. so that’s why a lot of what we did in bb was meant to be quick, funny and stupid. nieratko always looked at the magazine as a bar: a place where you go to get drunk and have a good time. you don’t want to be bothered with religion or politics. i agree almost 100%. but i’m one of those people that, on occasion, enjoy having a conversation about religion or politics at a bar. i just made a point of always reminding myself that bb was a bar. if the situation arose where it seemed alright to discuss something serious, then i would. but only as long as it wasn’t bumming out the other patrons. as homer said about the rules of the schoolyard, “don’t say anything unless you’re sure everyone will agree with you.” fortunately there were enough of our readers out there who enjoyed the “serious” subjects. and not surprisingly, the biggest fans of that stuff were our european readers. but, like i said, the goal of the magazine was to entertain. frankly i’m not very entertained by any magazine these days, especially skateboard mags. our friend got us a subscription to the new yorker, so i’ve been trying to read that on occasion, but goddamn it comes out like every two weeks. sometimes i haven’t even opened one before the next one is in the mailbox. talk about sandcastles. the tide goes in and out here pretty quick. –dave

20. Any plans on visiting us down in Louisiana? We can provide plenty of writing fodder (we’re not far from New Orleans), as well as a couple of cases of wine.

no.

well maybe.

i’ve only been there once. it was at the end of that bb tour way back when we did the shit video. and we were coming home and we only stopped in new orleans to get a hotel. it was like 2am. everyone decided to go to bed. i was like, fuck that, this is new orleans. kendra and pontius agreed and we went down to bourbon st. bought some beers and walked around for a couple hours. it was fun. and i’m glad i did it because that may have been the only chance i’ll ever have had to do that. now, after it gets all rebuilt and looks like a san diego strip mall, i can say, “yeah, you should have seen this place before katrina…”

-dave